"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
how drunk are you?
Several
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
