You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
