i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's blow job season.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
