my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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