i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
