dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
