He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
