it was like eating out sand paper
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
