I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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