life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
