jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
