Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
