They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
