I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
