Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
