If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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