I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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