after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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