If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
