Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize