I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
