she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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