He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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