They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize