Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
