I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
