Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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