I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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