yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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