you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize