Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
