I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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