well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
