your thong is hanging out like whoa
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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