It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
