my vag is so smooth its legendary
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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