Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
