we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
