Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
