FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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