Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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