I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
