whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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