THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you had me at cake vodka
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
