I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
