tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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