i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
