JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
