I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
