My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
