glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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