that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
