Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
