He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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