happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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