I puked a lego.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize