i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
