woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
