I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
