NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
