i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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