Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
