dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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