She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
