And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize