he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
