which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
