the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
