just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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