Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
