i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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