The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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