I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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