True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
