the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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