The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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