You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
