Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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