Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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